11 September 2018
We all (think) we know the true history of The Beatles. In our minds we are both Mark Lewisohn and the Fab Four. However, it turns out that what we’ve read or heard is a load of PR twaddle, spin-doctored by time and memory-loss.
In turn, I would like us to write the true history of The Fab Four. Chapter by Chapter. Verse by Verse. We will start with the day John met Paul, whenever that was. The writer of that section can then suggest the next topic.
Writer, over to you:
27 November 2016
John Lennon , a fresh-faced schoolboy, met Paul McCartney one day, in their first year 8 geography class in their Liverpool school. They both immediately bonded, because neither of them knew anything about African rivers, and neither cared about South American Forests – they discovered they shared one true love: banjos.
What happened after that geography class?
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#AppleHoley2024: Make America Great For The First Time
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2 January 2017
After schooling, our two heroes Jock and Mac get into a skiffle on the banks of the quarry. And what a magical sound it was that came from their banjojos, enough to catch the curveball of attention from another young lad called George Harry Seacombe (later Krishna). George was taking his mop-top Arthur for walkies when he overheard their strains in the distance, a sound that chilled his bones and put Arthur back on his head. He knew at that moment he must join them in melodic harmonium.
What was the song they played that caught our Georgie’s attention? And what did he play to impress them?
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"Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles... "
11 September 2018
John and Paul were performing their own version of the old gospel hit ‘He’s So Fine’, which youn George, his ears blocked by hair, rock & roll, and anarchy misheard as ‘My Sweet Lord ‘. The young boy with the lopsided grin knew he’d found his purpose in life.
By leaving subtle hints all over the house, George persuaded his mother to part with £3 so he could buy a cheap sitar from a boy he once knew. The sitar was called Edmund, after the mountaineer.
Sometime later – most probably after the acquisition – he managed to unscrew the neck from the body of the sitar. He couldn’t find of way of reattaching the two pieces, which was a minor inconvenience.
Fast forward to sometime in February 1958 and George Harrison had taken the neck of his sitar to the top deck of the bus. Joan and Polly were there too. Play us a song George, they said, and we’ll let you in the group. George fretted (pun!). He only knew one song.
Paul added, I wouldn’t dream of telling you what to play, George, but play Raunchy.
In the silence they watched George fret the notes of his sitar. There was no sound to be made because of the aforementioned problem, but Lennon & McCartney could at least see that George looked like he knew what notes to play.
How does Stuart Sutcliffe end up joining the band?
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24 June 2019
Stu worked in a bakery and made flaming pies. One day whilst high on the fumes of too many pies and of Lovely Rita the Meter Maid as she walked by, Stu saw the pie oven door open and pies start flying out. singing songs as they flit around the room like a herd of blackbirds.
Confused, Stu stumbled from the bakery and down Lime Street (even though he’d vowed he would never walk down Lime Street anymore). His head filled with magical lyrics and his eyes stung by Lovely Rita ‘s mystical fragrances, Stu accidentally bumped into the number nine bus, causing it to crash into a nearby barber shop. Photos of famous heads flew from the shop as Stu struggled back to his feet. Then, he noticed a group of fab lads standing around applauding him.
“I’m glad you did that!” one of the lads cried in a northern accident (although Stu didn’t notice the accent as he was a northerner too!). “Mean Mr Mustard was on that bus and we’re glad he’s now dead! Gnarly git! He’s still got my ten bob note!”
“Aye matey!” said another of the lads, suddenly out of character. “He was a dirty old man… and my dad… but that’s another story for when I’ll be a paperbark writer… whatever that is.”
The third lad, who was clearly drunk and also right handed, waved Stu over. “You must be one cool cat! You gotta join our little band as we’re all lonely hearts and need another member to balance us out. From Me To You … I’m sure you’ll fit right in!”
Stu stumbled over and nodded dumbly. “I guess I’m done with baking pies anyway. I did get back into it once, but Not A Second Time now.”
The drunk lad nodded as a blue meanie jumped from his coat collar. He pointed to Lovely Rita walking by as he leaned over to Stu and mumbled: “You know, she loves you!”
How did the Bottles end up in a hamburger in Germany?
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Turn off your stream, relax and float down mind