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Warning: eelrailment ahead

This morning, my family ended up this weird “Concert For Kids!” that was being put on by a friend of my parents. We had to drive two hours to get there, and I guess it was supposed to be this band playing actual music, but for kids. Whoever made the setlist did a terrible job choosing the songs, though, because out of the eight-song set, at least three of the songs had obvious references to drugs, sex or alcohol. I expected it to be a lot smaller than it actually was, but when we walked into the building the floor was literally covered in balloons (which were constantly getting popped, so that only added to the chaos) and kids who were crawling around, screaming, and tripping over the balloons. I contemplated hiding under a table or behind a trash can, because on top of everything else the speakers were blasting awful kids’ music loud enough to make me (and all the little kids) go deaf. I eventually settled for a corner, and pretty much stayed there for the rest of the show while all the kids swung streamers and one of those giant rainbow “parachute” things around and screamed some more. While I was there, I saw many distressing sights, including a baby gnawing on a glow-stick (which are incredibly toxic if punctured) while the parents just stood there talking about how cute it was, and a toddler pouring an entire cup of orange juice down her shirt and then demanding that her dad get her more. 

When it finally ended, I got dragged backstage by my parents’ friend, to where his daughter (who is completely insane, eleven years old, and thinks I’m her best friend) was, along with a few other people she was busy yelling at. I opened the door, trying to just say hi and get out as fast as possible, and right that second one of the other kids yelled, “well, then I’m just going to search for nuclear weapons when I get home if you won’t let me do it here! Ha!” It was all I could do not to get mad at him for getting the song in my head, because that was the absolute last thing I needed right then. But I attempted to talk to her for two seconds, then I opened the door and ran away as fast as possible. 

The end.