Happiness Is A Nice Thread | Page 43 | Fab Forum

A guy steps out of his hotel just as a taxi draws up.......

He get's quickly in and tells the cabbie where to go.......

The cabbie leans back and speaks.......

'You're just Like Brian'

'What?'

'Brian..Brian Sullivan'

'The way you just stepped out and there's a taxi pulling up for you......That sort of thing always worked out for Brian. Perfect timing.'

'Come on everyone has some clouds in their life......' 

Not for Brian.......He was a terrific athlete, could have played a tennis grand-slam....Played golf with the pros.....Sang like a bird...You should have heard him on the piano!!'

"Sounds like he was something really special'

There's more....a memory like a computer he never forgot birthdays.......He knew all about wine and the best foods.... and what fork to use..5555! Wonderful in the garage or the kitchen and women loved him he always knew what to say and never corrected them when they were in the wrong.....

'Wow some guy then!'

'Yes you're right no one could measure up to him'

"An amazing fellow then.....How did you meet him?

After a terrible car accident a man wakes up bereft.....of his manhood....

The Dr says.....'You're very lucky sir.....This is the  foremost hospital in the country that specialises in penis re-attachments.....

I have three samples in the fridge just waiting and I can whip one on to you in minutes when you give me the go-ahead........

Naturally you'd have to go private for this procedure......

Now sir, I have an English, perfectly functional penis at 2500 pounds.....I also have a what we call, 'farm fresh' Scottish penis..... This example  has spent most of it's life free range and unconstricted under a swirling kilt in the Scottish Highlands.....As you'd expect that's a little more expensive..... at 3500 pounds.

Finally sir we of course have the West Indian deluxe model at 5000 pounds.....Say the word and I'll whip one of these beauties straight on......'

'I'll have to discuss something as important as this with my wife.....'

"Certainly sir completely understand ......Call your wife and let me know the decision......

5 Mins later the patient beckons the DR back in the room......

"You've both reached your decision......?

Mrs Cohen calls the Jewish chronicle to leave an obituary for her recently deceased husband

She begins to dictate.....

"Much beloved and cherished Manny Cohen passed away in his sleep....."she continues her introduction in the same vein.....Then she gets on to describing "the funeral coach and 6 black horses......The chief rabbi was there and she lists all the esteemed and important  guests.....The food served and so on..." 15 minutes later she halts.

After a tally-up she's told, 'That was lovely Mrs Cohen we'll have it in tomorrows edition.......it will cost 3,430 GBPs'

'WHAT???"

'We charge a pound a word Mrs Cohen......' 

"Ok OK already...... scrub that....Just write...... Cohen's dead'

'I'm so sorry Mrs Cohen but we have a 5 pound minimum'

Ok......'Write: