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In My Life - what's happening in your life currently?
10 April 2014
5.53pm
MrMoonlight
Blue Jay Way
Rishikesh
Forum Posts: 792
Member Since:
2 April 2014
Offline
21

Right, OK, I shall share my story. I didn't really want anything to get too personal, so @ScrambledEggs has PM'd me just to talk, which is one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me – and I've only just joined. :)

So anyway, here it is. It's long.

__

To another, Elizabeth would seem like any other girl; talkative, funny, with that slight hint of eccentricity (or as she'd call it, weirdness), but to me she seemed more. Still does.

We got on the same coach to school, working like any other – picks you up early in the morning, drives on for a few stops, takes you to school, repeats in the afternoon, but backwards. When it all began a year prior to this, we didn't often speak, although she came to talk to me once. I can't remember for the life of me what about, but that seems to be the stem of it all. Over the year following, we didn't talk much, and I didn't think much of her. As time went by, something slowly blossomed – at the least on my side – and I fell in love about a year ago. Of course, she didn't know by then; with every other person I'd had a crush on, I hadn't told anyone and was left pining over them.

So things went on. I've hated school all my life, but Elizabeth seemed to invigorate my reason to go, if only for the coach journeys. I'd do my best to try and talk to her, and I often shared sweets on the coach – of course, I'd offer her more than anyone else. She seemed to be the only reason I'd go in, but I enjoyed school more than ever, because for the first time In My Life, I felt like I had a chance. She's the first love I've ever been able to talk to. Naturally, I was awkward (I still am). But she just seemed so human – she didn't cake herself in make-up and she didn't bother being the centre of attention like a lot of girls I know. I loved her. I love her.

As time went by, not much happened until around June 2013. My cover was almost blown once, but fortunately nothing came out of it. As usual, I'd try and sit across from her on the coach, if just to be near and if just to talk – and one day, everything changed. I don't remember what brought it up, but I hinted to her, successfully, that I'd never had a girlfriend. She began naming a few of the girls on the coach, asking me if I'd go out with them – of course, most were just "meh". Until, of course, she got to herself, and I told her I would do if she asked me. She didn't, but she thought kindly of it.

As the next couple of months passed, Elizabeth now being aware, more or less the entire coach knew by this point. They'd say certain things and hint between the two of us to try and cause something, but to no avail. Every coach journey at this point was now a make-or-break decision on how my day would go by. Nothing happened between us? I'd be depressed all day. We managed to speak or something gave me some hope? I'd feel like I could do anything and everything, and for once, I felt alive. I felt like I fit in with someone, something; even if we weren't going out.

And so the final day of Year 8 dawned upon me, I felt pressured. I'd have an entire six weeks until I'd be able to see her again. Other coaches were broken down or full, so a few more people were on; however, that one event didn't have much of a bearing until much later on. By the end, there were only two people who wouldn't usually be on – a girl, and the guy who bullied me to leave my old school. Remember that for later. Anyway, I felt pressured; worried; nervous – my heart was pounding faster than it ever was (it's pounding now just reminiscing to the event). But finally, it happened.

I asked her out.

There was a silence. She didn't answer, only conversed to others about what to do. And finally, she said "I'll have a think about it". Crap. Six weeks of worrying.

I spoke to her on Facebook (it was nerve-wracking just friending her, let alone sending the first PM), and I told her about how awkward the last day was – and I managed to make it even more awkward. I had to go away on holiday for a week and so I didn't get the chance to message her until I got back. It was just a simple "hi", but I got no response.

I panicked and panicked for weeks until I got back to school. History seemed to repeat itself – just her determining my mood for the rest of the day. She didn't answer the question until I brought it up again, four entire months later. Once again, she said she'd "have a think about it". The next day, she'd decided what she was going to say.

No.

She said she didn't want a boyfriend at this point in time. Ugh. I cried for a time I can't remember. I just felt flat for months and months. I constantly had panic attacks on the coach, nearly every single journey. I couldn't handle it, and the coach driver couldn't handle me constantly being like this. I went almost insane; crying, screaming, shouting because at this point, I didn't give a single crap about me or anyone else. They couldn't handle my disruption, so they made me move coaches, away from her. I had several counsellor appointments but they didn't help; they couldn't give me the hope. They couldn't change anything.

I was with her for two lessons: French and English. I physically couldn't bring myself to go into them. I tried, but I had panic attacks. I cried. Every time I tried to go in, I'd just smash a pen on the table because I couldn't cope with the anxiety, or I'd make other rash decisions because I couldn't do ANYTHING about it. About anyone. It got to the point that even seeing her in the corridor ruined my mood for the day. I was never happy, and I was never not anxious. And it's still like this.

Other things got in the way, too. By this point, the whole year knew about it all. I tried to talk to her in French about things, but it ended up with the entire class pressuring me to ask her out, and so I did. No again.

I cried on the kerb near the coaches, and she came out to talk to me. It made me happy. For the first time, the weight in my chest had gone. But it was soon over, although she said she'd talk to me at some point (which she didn't, unfortunately; she needs time to settle down and get used to it).

I've been met with people constantly making fun of me because of it. The idiot I mentioned earlier who caused me to leave my old school constantly tried to get a reaction out of me, because he thought it was funny seeing me have a "strop" – that's his main method of riling me up, talking about Elizabeth. And it's true, what he said did affect me. Even after the school talked to him and threatened to put him in isolation, he carried on. My dad spoke to his parents but he's made me out to be the one in the wrong for defending myself with words. His stupid little friends do it too. The 14-year-olds who smoke weed. Jesus. They've been talking about her behind me to get a reaction.

And now even who I thought were my friends are making fun of me behind my back because of it.

I've done everything I physically can to try; to hope; to do whatever. I've written music. Seven minutes long about the depression it's caused. I've done everything I can and I'm up to breaking point now. I can't go on like this because I still love her. I immediately feel rage when someone tells me to move on. I'm sick of people telling me to get over it or move on, even if it's said in a nice way.

I just want to be happy again for once In My Life, and Elizabeth is the only thing that can do that. I don't know what to do. People have told me to wait for her to talk to me, but I can't be sure if she will. I'm impatient. I don't like not knowing things. For the first time In My Life, I felt hope. But once again, it was crushed. I really don't know what to do. I've constantly been crying and since it's the school holidays it means I'm like this for another two weeks.

I know it shouldn't be affecting me, but the prospect of once again having my dreams broken scares me – not just for the future, but for now. I don't find myself incomplete; I feel like I was complete beforehand but a vital part has been taken away from me – happiness. It just kills me knowing that I have to move on. It removes the little purpose in life I had beforehand. I don't find myself unattractive.

It's just the one thing I want. All my life, people have succeeded with things. They've managed to get things done, but I haven't. I'm nobody. I'm only spoken about for all the wrong reasons. I just hate facing the truth and I'm constantly saying things and hinting things to people – her friends, other people she knows, etc. – to maybe change things and give me a chance. I've never gotten what I want in life and I've always thought of myself as a failure since I was young.

But as I was saying, I don't like to face the truth. I've experienced it now and I've learnt from it so I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare and change things. I really can't cope with this. I've been sensitive all my life but this is just bringing me down so much; even the thought of her makes my eyes heavy and my chest numb. I just want a cry for help, and I just want to be with her. I ask for nothing more.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

I love you, Elizabeth. I just wish you loved me.

Mal's got a mop and another glass of orange juice!
~He took the mirrors off his Cadillac
'Cause he doesn't like looking like he looks back~
10 April 2014
6.09pm
Mr. Kite
910 Penny Lane, Strawberry Fields, Pepperland
Apple rooftop
Forum Posts: 3209
Member Since:
4 February 2014
Online
22

I'm so sorry SH! I really hope you can find some way around this without you and your kids being in that situation. It really sucks that they don't take those deductions into account… There's no place that you can prove that's how much you make that'll give you a loan/help?

If I spoke prose you'd all find out, I don't know what I talk about.

Can buy Joe love! If you're shopping at one of these two websites use the links below to support the Beatles Bible: Amazon | iTunes
10 April 2014
6.20pm
Annadog40
I am here you are here we are here and we are all together
Apple rooftop
Forum Posts: 3570
Member Since:
1 November 2013
Offline
23

@SatanHimself did you look at resources for homelessness?

http://portal.hud.gov/hudporta…..g/homeless

 

 

Never say never, cause it's never 'never'

If you are like a new thingy than introduction your self in the into place here

If you did that then you win!

10 April 2014
6.57pm
WETSRoosa
Mountains of East Tennessee
Rishikesh
Forum Posts: 977
Member Since:
6 August 2013
Offline
24

MrMoonlight said
Right, OK, I shall share my story. I didn't really want anything to get too personal, so @ScrambledEggs has PM'd me just to talk, which is one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me – and I've only just joined. :)

So anyway, here it is. It's long.

__

To another, Elizabeth would seem like any other girl; talkative, funny, with that slight hint of eccentricity (or as she'd call it, weirdness), but to me she seemed more. Still does.

We got on the same coach to school, working like any other – picks you up early in the morning, drives on for a few stops, takes you to school, repeats in the afternoon, but backwards. When it all began a year prior to this, we didn't often speak, although she came to talk to me once. I can't remember for the life of me what about, but that seems to be the stem of it all. Over the year following, we didn't talk much, and I didn't think much of her. As time went by, something slowly blossomed – at the least on my side – and I fell in love about a year ago. Of course, she didn't know by then; with every other person I'd had a crush on, I hadn't told anyone and was left pining over them.

So things went on. I've hated school all my life, but Elizabeth seemed to invigorate my reason to go, if only for the coach journeys. I'd do my best to try and talk to her, and I often shared sweets on the coach – of course, I'd offer her more than anyone else. She seemed to be the only reason I'd go in, but I enjoyed school more than ever, because for the first time In My Life, I felt like I had a chance. She's the first love I've ever been able to talk to. Naturally, I was awkward (I still am). But she just seemed so human – she didn't cake herself in make-up and she didn't bother being the centre of attention like a lot of girls I know. I loved her. I love her.

As time went by, not much happened until around June 2013. My cover was almost blown once, but fortunately nothing came out of it. As usual, I'd try and sit across from her on the coach, if just to be near and if just to talk – and one day, everything changed. I don't remember what brought it up, but I hinted to her, successfully, that I'd never had a girlfriend. She began naming a few of the girls on the coach, asking me if I'd go out with them – of course, most were just "meh". Until, of course, she got to herself, and I told her I would do if she asked me. She didn't, but she thought kindly of it.

As the next couple of months passed, Elizabeth now being aware, more or less the entire coach knew by this point. They'd say certain things and hint between the two of us to try and cause something, but to no avail. Every coach journey at this point was now a make-or-break decision on how my day would go by. Nothing happened between us? I'd be depressed all day. We managed to speak or something gave me some hope? I'd feel like I could do anything and everything, and for once, I felt alive. I felt like I fit in with someone, something; even if we weren't going out.

And so the final day of Year 8 dawned upon me, I felt pressured. I'd have an entire six weeks until I'd be able to see her again. Other coaches were broken down or full, so a few more people were on; however, that one event didn't have much of a bearing until much later on. By the end, there were only two people who wouldn't usually be on – a girl, and the guy who bullied me to leave my old school. Remember that for later. Anyway, I felt pressured; worried; nervous – my heart was pounding faster than it ever was (it's pounding now just reminiscing to the event). But finally, it happened.

I asked her out.

There was a silence. She didn't answer, only conversed to others about what to do. And finally, she said "I'll have a think about it". Crap. Six weeks of worrying.

I spoke to her on Facebook (it was nerve-wracking just friending her, let alone sending the first PM), and I told her about how awkward the last day was – and I managed to make it even more awkward. I had to go away on holiday for a week and so I didn't get the chance to message her until I got back. It was just a simple "hi", but I got no response.

I panicked and panicked for weeks until I got back to school. History seemed to repeat itself – just her determining my mood for the rest of the day. She didn't answer the question until I brought it up again, four entire months later. Once again, she said she'd "have a think about it". The next day, she'd decided what she was going to say.

No.

She said she didn't want a boyfriend at this point in time. Ugh. I cried for a time I can't remember. I just felt flat for months and months. I constantly had panic attacks on the coach, nearly every single journey. I couldn't handle it, and the coach driver couldn't handle me constantly being like this. I went almost insane; crying, screaming, shouting because at this point, I didn't give a single crap about me or anyone else. They couldn't handle my disruption, so they made me move coaches, away from her. I had several counsellor appointments but they didn't help; they couldn't give me the hope. They couldn't change anything.

I was with her for two lessons: French and English. I physically couldn't bring myself to go into them. I tried, but I had panic attacks. I cried. Every time I tried to go in, I'd just smash a pen on the table because I couldn't cope with the anxiety, or I'd make other rash decisions because I couldn't do ANYTHING about it. About anyone. It got to the point that even seeing her in the corridor ruined my mood for the day. I was never happy, and I was never not anxious. And it's still like this.

Other things got in the way, too. By this point, the whole year knew about it all. I tried to talk to her in French about things, but it ended up with the entire class pressuring me to ask her out, and so I did. No again.

I cried on the kerb near the coaches, and she came out to talk to me. It made me happy. For the first time, the weight in my chest had gone. But it was soon over, although she said she'd talk to me at some point (which she didn't, unfortunately; she needs time to settle down and get used to it).

I've been met with people constantly making fun of me because of it. The idiot I mentioned earlier who caused me to leave my old school constantly tried to get a reaction out of me, because he thought it was funny seeing me have a "strop" – that's his main method of riling me up, talking about Elizabeth. And it's true, what he said did affect me. Even after the school talked to him and threatened to put him in isolation, he carried on. My dad spoke to his parents but he's made me out to be the one in the wrong for defending myself with words. His stupid little friends do it too. The 14-year-olds who smoke weed. Jesus. They've been talking about her behind me to get a reaction.

And now even who I thought were my friends are making fun of me behind my back because of it.

I've done everything I physically can to try; to hope; to do whatever. I've written music. Seven minutes long about the depression it's caused. I've done everything I can and I'm up to breaking point now. I can't go on like this because I still love her. I immediately feel rage when someone tells me to move on. I'm sick of people telling me to get over it or move on, even if it's said in a nice way.

I just want to be happy again for once In My Life, and Elizabeth is the only thing that can do that. I don't know what to do. People have told me to wait for her to talk to me, but I can't be sure if she will. I'm impatient. I don't like not knowing things. For the first time In My Life, I felt hope. But once again, it was crushed. I really don't know what to do. I've constantly been crying and since it's the school holidays it means I'm like this for another two weeks.

I know it shouldn't be affecting me, but the prospect of once again having my dreams broken scares me – not just for the future, but for now. I don't find myself incomplete; I feel like I was complete beforehand but a vital part has been taken away from me – happiness. It just kills me knowing that I have to move on. It removes the little purpose in life I had beforehand. I don't find myself unattractive.

It's just the one thing I want. All my life, people have succeeded with things. They've managed to get things done, but I haven't. I'm nobody. I'm only spoken about for all the wrong reasons. I just hate facing the truth and I'm constantly saying things and hinting things to people – her friends, other people she knows, etc. – to maybe change things and give me a chance. I've never gotten what I want in life and I've always thought of myself as a failure since I was young.

But as I was saying, I don't like to face the truth. I've experienced it now and I've learnt from it so I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare and change things. I really can't cope with this. I've been sensitive all my life but this is just bringing me down so much; even the thought of her makes my eyes heavy and my chest numb. I just want a cry for help, and I just want to be with her. I ask for nothing more.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

I love you, Elizabeth. I just wish you loved me.

I've been there. Everything you just stated, I've been there. Lived it all. Unrequited love is the worst because there's no payoff- just frustration and heartbreak. And it's no help to say "Forget about her and move on," because you're the one living it, not them.

I do have one bone of contention of something you said: "I'm nobody… I've always thought of myself as a failure since I was young." BULLSHIT. You are somebody, you just haven't found your best quality about you yet. It's there. Sometimes it takes somebody else to point what your best qualities are because you can't see them, as was the case for me. For years, I constantly beat myself up with the "I'm nobody, I'm a loser" talk and it's just soul crushing. You know what? It gets better. It just does. You just got to believe me on that. You can't see it now, but you will someday.

If you need somebody to talk to or to just vent, PM me. I'm serious. I'll talk ya through it.

The following people thank WETSRoosa for this post:

Mr. Kite, Annadog40, MrMoonlight, IveJustSeenAFaceo
“Oh god, not the bees! not the BEEEEEEEEEES! AHHHHHH!!!!”- Nicolas Cage
10 April 2014
11.04pm
IveJustSeenAFaceo
Somewhere other than where you are.
Apple rooftop
Forum Posts: 2616
Member Since:
1 November 2013
Offline
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I've been having some recent problems on that front as well, though not nearly as bad as yours. I hope you… I've honestly been thinking about what to say there for five minutes and I can't. all I can say is it sucks and I hope you feel better. If you want someone around your age (I'm gathering) to talk to, feel free to PM me as well. 

(This signature brought to you by Winter. Coming for an abnormally long amount of time.)
10 April 2014
11.06pm
IveJustSeenAFaceo
Somewhere other than where you are.
Apple rooftop
Forum Posts: 2616
Member Since:
1 November 2013
Offline
26

Oh god, I didn't even look at the last page. That's horrible, SH. Wow. 

(This signature brought to you by Winter. Coming for an abnormally long amount of time.)
11 April 2014
12.01am
xskelterhelterx
Nova Scotia
London Palladium
Forum Posts: 111
Member Since:
26 January 2014
Offline
27

Really sorry to hear that SH.   I really wish I could do something to help you. 

The following people thank xskelterhelterx for this post:

Annadog40, Mr. Kite
11 April 2014
12.13pm
Joe
Pepperland
Admin
Forum Posts: 3404
Member Since:
31 March 2008
Offline

MrMoonlight said
It's just the one thing I want. All my life, people have succeeded with things. They've managed to get things done, but I haven't. I'm nobody. I'm only spoken about for all the wrong reasons. I just hate facing the truth and I'm constantly saying things and hinting things to people – her friends, other people she knows, etc. – to maybe change things and give me a chance. I've never gotten what I want in life and I've always thought of myself as a failure since I was young.

But as I was saying, I don't like to face the truth. I've experienced it now and I've learnt from it so I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare and change things. I really can't cope with this. I've been sensitive all my life but this is just bringing me down so much; even the thought of her makes my eyes heavy and my chest numb. I just want a cry for help, and I just want to be with her. I ask for nothing more.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

*Stubs out cigar. Pulls up trench coat collar.*
OK kid, pull up a seat. I'm going to give you some tough love.

No, she doesn't want to go out with you. You'll survive. I know your heart is aching but life will go on. This isn't worth taking drastic measures over, is it? No. So you've got to do the best with what you've got.

I've been in your situation, many years ago as a teenager. She was Vicky, she was beautiful, and I couldn't make her want me like I wanted her. But life gets a hell of a lot better. It also throws up more hardships somewhere along the line, and the best way of dealing with them is always to emerge triumphant. Otherwise you just continue to get ground down, and that's no way to live.

They say that success is the best form of revenge, and it's true. You know the best thing you could do right now? The absolute best thing? Make yourself a winner on your own terms. Don't define yourself by the approval you get from other people – they're probably idiots anyway. Do something – anything – that you're really proud of. Try things on till you find a glove that fits. Master a musical instrument, become an excellent cook, paint a picture, run a marathon, learn a language, craft a short story, get up on stage, travel to somewhere new. It doesn't really matter how good you are to begin with as long as a) you enjoy it, b) you're a little bit better than you were before, and c) you've broadened your horizons. Keep going and soon enough you'll be brilliant, happier and confident – and those things are infectious and attractive to others.

Then, go out there and hold your head up high, because you've achieved something. Don't dwell on hypotheticals and things you cannot change, only work on the things you can. And screw the weed smokers who laughed at you; they're losers, and their opinions don't matter for shit. They'll be losers when they enter adulthood and beyond, and if you do everything right you'll be a winner. Play the long game. And if you start bringing yourself down with thoughts of the girl, talk yourself out of it. Do whatever you need to take your mind off her. Personally I find a bike ride to be a great distraction. Do. Not. Mope.

OK, lesson two. You can't make someone love you. Turn it around the other way: if someone you really weren't interested in was pining after you, would you change your mind for them? Even if they cried and wrote poetry and sang songs about how much they loved you? Of course not; you can't just turn on your feelings like that. People can smell desperation and it's not terribly attractive.

If you want to be attractive to other people, smile, straighten your back, look them in the eye, be curious, dress well, fake it until it becomes real. Nobody wants to go out with the depressed person, and you don't want them to like you for sympathy's sake – you want them to like you because of who you are. And maybe she will one day.

You know the things you like about Elizabeth? I bet it isn't that she always thought of herself as a failure since she was young. Don't be defined by your past; carve out your present and future instead. And I guarantee that if you work on yourself for long enough, and you love yourself like you should, then someone else will love you too. It'll be genuine and equal, and it'll be the best feeling in the world.

two-virgins

The following people thank Joe for this post:

Annadog40, ScrambledEggs, IveJustSeenAFaceo, parlance

Please don't spoil my day; I'm miles away

Can buy me love! Please consider using these links to support the Beatles Bible: Amazon | iTunes

11 April 2014
1.04pm
Joe
Pepperland
Admin
Forum Posts: 3404
Member Since:
31 March 2008
Offline

MrMoonlight said
I've been met with people constantly making fun of me because of it. The idiot I mentioned earlier who caused me to leave my old school constantly tried to get a reaction out of me, because he thought it was funny seeing me have a "strop" – that's his main method of riling me up, talking about Elizabeth. And it's true, what he said did affect me. Even after the school talked to him and threatened to put him in isolation, he carried on. My dad spoke to his parents but he's made me out to be the one in the wrong for defending myself with words. His stupid little friends do it too. The 14-year-olds who smoke weed. Jesus. They've been talking about her behind me to get a reaction.

And now even who I thought were my friends are making fun of me behind my back because of it.

Upon re-reading your message, this deserves a bit of attention. Anyone who makes fun of you, behind your back or to your face, isn't really a friend. If they're getting pleasure from your pain you should have nothing to do with them. I hope you have at least one genuine friend, who will listen and give you sympathy, because that's what friends do.

(They can also laugh and take the piss, but they should do it at the right time and for the right reasons. Everybody needs friends who bring them back down to earth now and then.)

As regards the others, remember that they're not thinking "X really likes E, hahaha, let's make fun out of him." The fact that you're lovesick isn't really of interest. They're just seizing on a vulnerability and playing you for it, because that's the sort of people they are. It could be your stupid haircut or your terrible dancing; some kids just mercilessly exploit other people's weaknesses.

Like any troll or bully, however, they do lose interest if you let them know it's not hurting (and even if it is hurting, whatever you do don't show it). Brush it off, turn it into a joke, downplay it as much as you can, but be very matter of fact and don't show any vulnerability. Rise above until you're on the higher ground.

If your school isn't doing enough to help then keep demanding they do more. It's their job, their obligation. Keep on at them till you get what you need.

You can defuse any mockery by being a better person. Show them up for being the immature kids they are. If someone says "Hahaha, X is in love with E," well, yeah, you do like her, but it's not working out. Shrug. Still, life goes on, eh? How's your love life anyway? I don't see any of you lot walking around with supermodels. And what's it got to do with you anyway? It's very kind that you take such an interest in my life, but haven't you got better things to worry about? No? Oh well, got to go. See ya!

Edit: @MrMoonlight, your post brought back so many awkward teenage memories. Like so many doomed youth I listened to The Smiths a lot. This is for you:

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parlance

Please don't spoil my day; I'm miles away

Can buy me love! Please consider using these links to support the Beatles Bible: Amazon | iTunes

11 April 2014
1.12pm
WETSRoosa
Mountains of East Tennessee
Rishikesh
Forum Posts: 977
Member Since:
6 August 2013
Offline
30

Joe said

MrMoonlight said
It's just the one thing I want. All my life, people have succeeded with things. They've managed to get things done, but I haven't. I'm nobody. I'm only spoken about for all the wrong reasons. I just hate facing the truth and I'm constantly saying things and hinting things to people – her friends, other people she knows, etc. – to maybe change things and give me a chance. I've never gotten what I want in life and I've always thought of myself as a failure since I was young.

But as I was saying, I don't like to face the truth. I've experienced it now and I've learnt from it so I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare and change things. I really can't cope with this. I've been sensitive all my life but this is just bringing me down so much; even the thought of her makes my eyes heavy and my chest numb. I just want a cry for help, and I just want to be with her. I ask for nothing more.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

*Stubs out cigar. Pulls up trench coat collar.*
OK kid, pull up a seat. I'm going to give you some tough love.

No, she doesn't want to go out with you. You'll survive. I know your heart is aching but life will go on. This isn't worth taking drastic measures over, is it? No. So you've got to do the best with what you've got.

I've been in your situation, many years ago as a teenager. She was Vicky, she was beautiful, and I couldn't make her want me like I wanted her. But life gets a hell of a lot better. It also throws up more hardships somewhere along the line, and the best way of dealing with them is always to emerge triumphant. Otherwise you just continue to get ground down, and that's no way to live.

They say that success is the best form of revenge, and it's true. You know the best thing you could do right now? The absolute best thing? Make yourself a winner on your own terms. Don't define yourself by the approval you get from other people – they're probably idiots anyway. Do something – anything – that you're really proud of. Try things on till you find a glove that fits. Master a musical instrument, become an excellent cook, paint a picture, run a marathon, learn a language, craft a short story, get up on stage, travel to somewhere new. It doesn't really matter how good you are to begin with as long as a) you enjoy it, b) you're a little bit better than you were before, and c) you've broadened your horizons. Keep going and soon enough you'll be brilliant, happier and confident – and those things are infectious and attractive to others.

Then, go out there and hold your head up high, because you've achieved something. Don't dwell on hypotheticals and things you cannot change, only work on the things you can. And screw the weed smokers who laughed at you; they're losers, and their opinions don't matter for shit. They'll be losers when they enter adulthood and beyond, and if you do everything right you'll be a winner. Play the long game. And if you start bringing yourself down with thoughts of the girl, talk yourself out of it. Do whatever you need to take your mind off her. Personally I find a bike ride to be a great distraction. Do. Not. Mope.

OK, lesson two. You can't make someone love you. Turn it around the other way: if someone you really weren't interested in was pining after you, would you change your mind for them? Even if they cried and wrote poetry and sang songs about how much they loved you? Of course not; you can't just turn on your feelings like that. People can smell desperation and it's not terribly attractive.

If you want to be attractive to other people, smile, straighten your back, look them in the eye, be curious, dress well, fake it until it becomes real. Nobody wants to go out with the depressed person, and you don't want them to like you for sympathy's sake – you want them to like you because of who you are. And maybe she will one day.

You know the things you like about Elizabeth? I bet it isn't that she always thought of herself as a failure since she was young. Don't be defined by your past; carve out your present and future instead. And I guarantee that if you work on yourself for long enough, and you love yourself like you should, then someone else will love you too. It'll be genuine and equal, and it'll be the best feeling in the world.

two-virgins

Yeah, he pretty much nailed it better than I could, but I think we both come to the same conclusion: it gets better.

So we have an Elizabeth and a Vicky. I'll throw mine in: Candice. She looked exactly like the singer Colbie Caillat, gap tooth and all. We were college classmates with the same major. Even worked together for the local Kerry/Edwards headquarters during the 2004 presidential election. (I did it strictly to be around her, not because I believed in Kerry or his vision for America.) I was madly in love with her, and she liked me, but not in that way. I made the mistake of telling a friend, who in turned told his girlfriend who in turn told Candice. I think it freaked her out, and in retrospect, I can't blame her.

So yeah, took it hard and all that. Six months later, finally decided it'd be best to suck it up and move on… and went on a date with this firecracker of a woman, a divorced single mom of three kids. She's now my wife and for the life of me I'll never figure out what about me she likes, but I'll take it. brian-epstein

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Joe
“Oh god, not the bees! not the BEEEEEEEEEES! AHHHHHH!!!!”- Nicolas Cage
12 April 2014
4.37am
Ahhh Girl
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@MrMoonlight, I'm not a licensed counselor or anything like that, but I just wanted to toss out a few ideas and perhaps one of them will stick and help you.

Don't pretend this doesn't hurt. "To thine own self be true." I lied to myself for too many years saying that things that were causing me pain weren't doing so. I've had to deal more with the scaring of that lying to myself than the pain those other things caused to me. The key is working through the pain. Now how do you go about that is the question you must tackle. I'm glad you reached out for help. Joe mentioned that you can't make Elizabeth love you. We can't make Elizabeth love you either, but we can give you some support to hopefully help you get a grip on the situation and move past it to see other parts of life again.

First of all, dude, you are special. You got super, thought-provoking answers from two highly-respected gentlemen on this forum. And, wetsroosa has offered to PM you with further help. I bet those pipsqueaks who have been bullying you wish they could have such a strong support network, if they were honest with themselves. My only unfulfilled love story is that I don't have Paul McCartney, so I'm not going to be able to add to any more meaningful comments to Joe's and wetsroosa's musings on the matter.

Now, how you move past this. Do you spend time dwelling on it or trying to not think about it? On another thread a few days ago, I wrote this:

Is it through steady digging and contemplation into our psyche? Or do we wait for a huge earthquake to split the ground so we can get it unexpectedly (out of the blue, blindsided)? Do those two go hand-in-hand or are they mutually exclusive?

I have found over the years that when I am not fully concentrating on a topic is when an insight will hit me that will help me solve the problem. It goes along with the old adage of "sleep on it". (On a side note, perhaps you and I need a nap as long as Rip van Winkle's to get past some of the stuff we are dealing with.) So, I am going to second Joe's suggestion of you finding an activity that you excel at and enjoy. Perhaps it will be in helping or serving others in a volunteer position. It may take time to find your niche, but the search for that right thing will be a productive part of your growth experience. You will get your mind engaged in these other activities, and the way to deal with the pain will probably come knocking on your door and present itself to you. I've had it happen before and don't doubt that it will happen again.

Have you seen the movie Forest Gump? I love the part where he is running across America and then one day he just stops. He'd done what he needed to do. Keep Joe and wetsroosa's words in your heart and mind. Run with them. One day, you will reach the end of this hurt and be able to have peace and move on with your life. Peace and Love. Peace and Love.

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parlance, Mimi
12 April 2014
2.43pm
MrMoonlight
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Thanks for the advice, guys. I had to go to the hospital last night because I've been panicking so much about it. I'm getting another mental health re-evaluation soon because they suspect there's some other thing going on, since nothing anyone says is changing me. I'm just like a brick wall for this girl, and it's scary that I can't do anything about her. No matter what advice people give me, it's just going through one ear and out the other. I'm just really scared since I still like her and I can't do anything about it. It's like falling off a cliff and having to accept my fate knowing that I can't do anything. I've just been crying and crying. I'm terrified.

Mal's got a mop and another glass of orange juice!
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12 April 2014
2.48pm
IveJustSeenAFaceo
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Dang. I really hope this works out for you somehow. Again, if you want someone around your age to talk to, I appear to be fairly close, so feel free to PM.

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12 April 2014
4.37pm
ScrambledEggs
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@MrMoonlight, do you want to get over Elizabeth? Unrequited love is painful thing, but everyone decides for themselves how long they are going to let it hurt them. Do you want to go on like this? Because if you don't, you have to do something about it. I'll repeat what everyone above me said: no one can make the girl love you. That doesn't mean that you are unworthy of love and isn't the end of the world. It sure does hurt, though. But there is no one out there who can fix it for you, and there is no one out there who can make you emotionally stronger. You can get there only on your own. Of course, that doesn't mean you are alone. See, so many of us here have offered a chat, an advice, or anything else you might need. It won't get easier on its own. 

MrMoonlight said:

I'm getting another mental health re-evaluation soon because they suspect there's some other thing going on, since nothing anyone says is changing me.

You don't want to go down that road. Trust me; this is coming from a person with Bipolar Disorder Type IV. You are too young to subject yourself to mental evaluations. Don't define yourself as depressed, or anxious, or anything else really. You might feel depressed today, and anxious tomorrow, but if you convince yourself to believe that whatever has come over your mood is a mental disorder, then it might become just that. When you start to panic, or you feel your mood rapidly changing, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you want to be happy. You do want to be happy, don't you? Fake it if you have it. You'll get there for real eventually.
Being depressed, sad, anxious – you have to admit that it is easier that way. It is easier to break down and cry and feel bad. I know. We've all been there, some more often than the others. I, for example, act that way more often than I'd like to, but I try not to hold my disorder responsible. Why? Because it is a waste of time. You are doing nothing but wasting time when you allow sadness take over. You can just do things that will make you feel good instead. First, you've got to find them. That shouldn't be too difficult, even though it might feel like it's the hardest thing in the world sometimes.

Try to help yourself before you go to a hospital. And give it time. Like Joe said, get your hands busy with something else. Because, it is really a road you can't get back from. 

MrMoonlight said:

And now even who I thought were my friends are making fun of me behind my back because of it.

Real friends are a rare thing, especially during the teenage years. It is perfectly alright to get close to people, to trust them enough to call them friends, but all friendships have a limit. Most people don't like hearing about someone else's problems, especially teenagers, again. One of the best things my mother has advised me from a very young age is, "Don't let people see what you really feel".  I didn't understand that until recently. I'd always think, "But why should I hide my emotions? Isn't that hiding like myself? I want to have friends, and I have to be 100% honest with them". But I was wrong. Sometimes, even though it is a million times harder, we have to learn to deal with things on our own. We've got to try, at least. That isn't really faking yourself, or anything or the sort, it is just keeping things for yourself. You don't want people to know your weaknesses. You can't fully trust anyone with anything. It is always good to ask for help, but you have to watch out who you turn to. 

Mr. Moonlight said:
 No matter what advice people give me, it's just going through one ear and out the other.

There is no advice in the world that can change the way you look at things, the way you feel things. 
You can only be happy if you truly want to. Working on it is difficult, but when you get there, you won't remember the road that took you. Be positive and smile :-).

And I'll say it once again: PM anytime at all. I am always here. 
Also, I'm sorry if there is something I said that didn't make sense, or if something seemed harsh; it's only my English, it's not very good at the moment.

12 April 2014
10.21pm
Necko
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I'm writing a paper this weekend, but can't seem to get my ideas organized.  I'm taking a break to eat dinner right now.

I'm Necko.  I'm like Ringo except I wear necklaces.
12 April 2014
10.37pm
trcanberra
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Necko said
I'm writing a paper this weekend, but can't seem to get my ideas organized.  I'm taking a break to eat dinner right now.

One thing I do is put down chapter or paragraph headings, move them around until they make sense, and then write a short summary of what will be in each and rinse and repeat.  Then write an intro and conclusion.  Filling in the gaps is easier then and the paper tends to write itself.

 

12 April 2014
11.07pm
meanmistermustard
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Necko said
I'm writing a paper this weekend, but can't seem to get my ideas organized.  I'm taking a break to eat dinner right now.

My way of doing it was to type it out as it came and then rearrange/edit so it read properly, otherwise i would endlessly delete and retype getting nowhere.

 

Good luck @Necko. Whats the word count and subject matter out of interest?

"Well, probably we'll sell less records, less people'll go to see the film, we'll write less songs, and we'll all die of failure" (John Lennon 8/64)
13 April 2014
1.22am
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1000-1200 words, so about four or five pages double-spaced.  The subject is Beat writers.  I have to write a paper about the views of the writers on the assigned readings on our choice of friendship, family, sex, drug use, academia, or American values.  I'm not sure which I'm going to do yet, but I'm leaning towards friendship.

I'm Necko.  I'm like Ringo except I wear necklaces.
13 April 2014
2.13pm
Ahhh Girl
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Necko said
1000-1200 words, so about four or five pages double-spaced.  The subject is Beat writers.  I have to write a paper about the views of the writers on the assigned readings on our choice of friendship, family, sex, drug use, academia, or American values.  I'm not sure which I'm going to do yet, but I'm leaning towards friendship.

@Necko have you found some supporting articles or books? 

From the Academic Search Premier database (your library should provide this database or one very similar). I can hook you up with the article if you need it.

The Delicate Dynamics of Friendship: A Reconsideration of Kerouac's On The Road.

 

Also see if your library has any books (print or ebooks) on the Beats. My library has plenty…guess who ordered those for the collection? :lol:

 

13 April 2014
2.23pm
Ron Nasty
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Ahhh Girl said
My library has plenty…guess who ordered those for the collection? :lol: 

@Ahhh Girl Erm… let me guess… one of your colleagues?

@Necko Myself, yeah, friendship works, but I would have gone for American values as so much of what the Beats did was question and challenge the "American Dream" of the time.

"I only said we were bigger than Rod... and now there's all this!" Ron Nasty
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